In an ocean of people, you raised me up so I could see
the red, white, and blue,
colors in you,
trust in me.
“Yes, we can!” I thought.
This is who I should be
with you beside me.
So young and so free.
a tethered unit.
Love, you lit
a spark that felt oh so different.
An intimate instrument to brighten my filament.
history was imminent.
But I was ignorant.
Couldn’t see I was diffident then.
I called me a tough bitch,
but the truth is
I was an innocent, impotent witch;
a fallen sorceress
shot down from her childhood fortress.
Tattered and pained.
My power needed an outlet
but I was cordless.
Blood born fear
tossed me far from everything I ever held dear.
In need of a lumineer.
I was lost up the creek
in a boat with no paddle to steer.
Lost a legendary love.
Then there you were,
as if you had dropped from above.
But you were no angel; you know it.
And it gave you no problem to show it.
Yet, just one taste left me with feels.
Before I knew it, I was head over heels.
Effortlessly, you did rock me to my core.
You were so different than anyone I’d ever loved before,
revealed a world unalike anything I had been shown before.
And there was magic in that,
like just what you’d find amongst the stars in Cyndi’s hat.
…But that’s a song for another time.
Because, though it sounds sweet, all takes a turn.
When I finally woke, things started to burn.
I began changing,
that this crutch gone wrong, just a crush gone long
which snuffed out a light in me that needed glowing.
I was vulnerable then; so lost.
The meal wasn’t mine, but seductive once sauced.
I watched him – all of them – plate it.
And, goddammit, I ate it.
I look back and dissect.
How could I be so daft, not detect
that this love was selfish, riddled with fear.
I was made up a box, tucked in, “Girl, don’t interfere.
Be sure to adhere to the order in play.
Don’t wear that or make too much noise; Hey, Girl, Hey!
Get back inside! Don’t be too free.
Make sure you fight all that comes naturally,
because your wild's scary for me.
But I’d be
without your touch and honesty.
I was a stranger to that but it’s clutch honestly.
But let’s just fix you up, ok?
Be more less and less more,
and we’ll be just fine.
What do you say?”
took off my cross
and put away my red dresses.
Ironed my tresses
to tame them.
I betrayed them.
And that’s on me, clearly.
Anyway, people only do to you what you permit, really.
And please know
I don’t mean to shame him.
I hardly blame him - so young.
We’re all first a product of where from we come;
the blatant idolatry of a wrongful godling.
I was in the wrong place
at the wrong time.
And I’m sitting here now writing this rhyme
about someone who for a long time
was a war crime
against my spirit and my mind.
But he’s grown now. Me too.
Though a lot hasn't changed, it’s true.
And whether it’s safe to stay remains to be seen.
Maybe we’ll just float forever in the in-between.
He’s doing his best I bet.
And I haven’t stopped loving him yet.
But love changes
with the seasons,
with the tide, and for so many reasons.
After lesions and offences,
so many expenses,
A phoenix rises;
she comes to her senses.
And I sense I’m arriving
at a moment defining.
I am thriving!
Unbridled and wild; they’re hearing my roar!
But that sound makes a soreness
Why didn't someone warn us
about all that would ensue
from all this you and me,
...me and you.
And now again, we are here,
after oh-so-many years.
It’s Inauguration Day.
Should we swear in something new,
say out with the old and in with a different hue;
something deeper than this blue?
I don’t know.
Because though somehow I do
still dream of you,
I believe after all this truth telling, I’ll be lonely.
But at least I will be able to say that I know me.